I recently wrote about Eden’s hair journey since it began in Spring of 2024, and already we’ve seen a lot of great progress in her hair over these two years. Where before it was dry, tangle-prone, hard to brush, dull and full of split ends, it is now soft, smooth, shiny, and easy to detangle. If her two year journey doesn’t inspire you, I’m not sure what will. XD

Today I wanted to share more about the similarities between our two haircare routines. While there are surely differences, there’s more in common than you may think. Here are five tips that we’ve both used to achieve healthy hair:

#1 – We wash once a month

That’s right! Unless there’s an emergency to get something out of our hair that never should have gotten there (fortunately this hasn’t happened yet), we only use oil soap once a month. Even when we use it, we aren’t applying it down the full length of our hair, only to the roots. Rinsing out the soap is more than enough to clean the rest of the hair.

As Eden was getting away from standard shampoos, she left her 2-in-1 behind in favor of Shea Moisture’s Castor Oil line, something I had used myself when taking steps to change my habits. Now we both use (albeit, as she’s using up what’s left of her Shea Moisture bottles) the Booda Butter oil bar soap, and extending time between showers using my own hair powder recipe. This recipe is beginner-friendly in that it doesn’t ruin your day if you use too much. But, like with oiling, a little goes a long way and it is always better to err on the side of not enough than it is to apply all willy-nilly.

Natalie’s Hair Powder Recipe

• Wheat flour* (all purpose baking flour), 4/5ths total volume
• Amla
• Maca
• Ginger
• Cinnamon

*This can easily be swapped out for corn powder or rice flour. Kaolin or Rhassoul clay may also be added, sparingly.

#2 – We oil our hair

There are three distinct times that we’ll oil our hair. 1) Oiling hair as a pre-wash treatment to protect the hair from the soap that cleanses the scalp. 2) A light oiling when the hair is still damp post-shower (again, which is only once a month) in order to seal in moisture along with the soap residues. 3) A very light oiling about once to twice a week for maintenance. The type of oil, amount used per application, and frequency of applications changes depending on whose hair we are talking about.

My hair is a curlier form of Wavy hair, which is medium to light brown in most lighting (and if I haven’t used henna). It is also relatively fine and with a high density. I use a light oil and very little of it because my hair shows grease incredibly easily and can be weighed down equally as fast. Thus, while I use very little at a time, I will apply more frequently to still get the protective benefits but without overwhelming my hair. I’ll share the specifics of my monthly routine in a future blog post.

Eden’s hair is straighter than mine buy still distinctly Wavy, but is solid black and very thick and coarse. She has fewer hair follicles than I do but each one is larger, resulting in a higher hair volume than I often have. She can get away with coconut oil because her hair doesn’t show grease unless a lot is applied. We will even use the heaviness of the coconut oil to reduce her hair volume so it is more manageable. Still, a little always goes a long way, and we never put it in her hair in the way most people in the west apply shampoo; that would be a nightmare to get out of her hair, and coconut oil especially can lead to a lot of buildup.

#3 – We use two brush types

The first is a wooden-bristle paddle brush (without those little knobs on the ends). The second is a boar’s hair brush made of only boar’s hair bristles (so, not a hybrid brush).

Though we like to finger detangle our hair–only when it’s dry–we will go back through with our wooden combs and the wooden bristle brush to give the scalp some stimulation and to thoroughly remove any tangles our fingers may have missed. Following this detangle we then use our boar’s hair brushes to smooth down the hair cuticle and make the hair soft and shiny again.*

Where we use our detangling brushes only a little, we use the boars hair brushes for longer. This is because once the hair is detangled, continuing to use a detangling brush is unnecessary for the hair and can lead to undesired friction. We instead use our boars hair brushes more regularly because these condition (not to be confused with hydration) the surface of each hair in a gentle and protective way.

*Getting hair to be soft and shiny is a multi-fasceted approach that cannot be achieved by just one magic bullet. The brushes here re-smooth the hairs after detangling, which can rough them a little bit sometimes. Otherwise, it is the infrequency of washing and the frequency of oiling that protects and maintains the hair in the first place.

#4 – We treat our hair gently

We are always making sure we handle our hair in gentle ways, never yanking on it or brushing quickly or aggressively. Tension and friction add up, even if they are only “just this once” moments, inevitably leading to damage, breakage, or hair-fall. This means we hold and move our hair with care, touching it as little as possible. It also means we don’t use tight hairstyles ever, or leave our hair completely lose and flowing on the regular. We reduce friction at night by using satin pillowcases (which has also helped my face to not be so dry anymore). Both day and night we use protective hairstyles like braids and buns to keep the hair up and away from sources of friction.

#5 – We have a unique mindset

While both of us, admittedly, can get a dopamine hit when people compliment our hair, we don’t grow our hair out for the compliments. Here’s the thing, we don’t see hair as a fashion accessory. Neither do we see it as our source of our worth as people or as our own identities. Instead, we see our hair as we do, say, our eyes, or our arms, and as with the rest of our bodies. Our hair is very much a part of ourselves and we don’t see why it should be handled harshly or without much thought.

We share the same approach to the length of our lives as to the length of our hair. Length is not the goal; quality is. We want to have quality of life as we age in decades to come by taking care of our bodies now. We want to be quality people by treating others and ourselves with respect and kindness. We want to have quality hair by meeting its needs and letting it shine like it was always capable of.

That is why we don’t buy into the beauty industry. We don’t need it and it doesn’t need us! It is because we don’t see ourselves as broken, dirty, or defective and in need of a product fix. We see our bodies as able to regulate themselves and already beautiful. It is the difference between a confident person and a wannabe; both are capable of no longer living in insecurity, it is just a matter of whether the wannabe is willing to believe that they are already valuable and beautiful and capable as a person.